I have the most amazing friend in the world. She has helped me in my life like no other person. Let me first start with our history. We met at work almost 8 years ago. She approached me which was such a surprise. We immediately clicked. Then I found out that she was engaged. No big deal but I did let her know my feelings up front and that her happiness was what was most important to me. After 6 years she has gotten a divorce and i have been the step by step. There isn't a thing that we don’t know about each other and her family loves me as I do them. We spend some holidays together and talk on a daily basis.

I have never had my chance to try and date her cause she says now that she does not see me in that way but when i have someone else that take time from us it makes her jealous. It seems she wants me there but not totally. I am so confused with the situation that i am miserable on a daily basis. I have as some people for advice and even tried reading some articles but it seems they all say that i need to walk away from the situation but how do you walk away from a person that means that much to you. Does it mean our friendship was a lie from the start?

I want to move on but I also don't want to lose her forever. I feel if I had someone in my life maybe i would not focus so much on her and we could be the dynamic friends we have always been. I am so confused!!!!

Thank you for any advice you guys give.

By Pedro

Answer:

Dear Pedro,

You two seem to share a very special friendship which many would envy. You have been through so much together and you are to be commended for being there for her whenever she needed you.

Your feelings for her seem to cause you so much angst because you say she does not share your feelings. The fact that she gets upset whenever you spend time with someone else does not mean she loves you in that way. Many of us have been known to become possessive of really good friends, where feelings of jealousy creep in; We get afraid of losing the close friendship. I think this is what could be happening here, she has gotten so used to you as her emotional crutch and being at her beck and call.

She could also be afraid of rocking the boat and ruining the friendship. I suggest you tell her about your feelings again and discuss the possibility of trying for something more than friendship, and see where you go from there. If her answer is no, you have two choices; Either accept the friendship and try to find someone else who will return your feelings, or if you cannot walk away like you were advised many times.

"I feel if i had
someone in my life maybe i would not focus so much on her and we could be
the dynamic friends we have always been"
You said yourself!!!

Good luck

Sil