Hi, this is a weird situation I am in. It all started October year 06, i met this guy from a friend at a party. We right away got along and i really thought he was a sweet guy. He had an awesome personality, but I wasn't too excited meeting him. He was a different kind of guy that I dated... he was more nerdy but not all the way since he did party he just seems like a total sweetheart like he would never hurt a girl. He started asking me out on dates, and we went on a few. He was a total gentleman just as I expected, he kinda called me a lot too but for some reason i wasn't way into him, maybe cause he was easy to get.
He Just Seems Like a Total Sweetheart
Don't get me wrong, i did sorta like him, but to the point i would wear my glasses and not do my hair which i would never do with a guy i like a lot! And he did tell me how i was perfect... beautiful etc... Well he kinda stop calling me.. or didn't call me as much anymore... Christmas break came around and he was in town for several weeks but he never attempted really to hang out. I'll call him in the beginning and he would stop answering my calls. I grew tired of this and i called from my friends cell and right away he answered. So i knew he was totally ignoring my calls.
Well one day i called him again and left him a voice mail saying why he was ignoring me... but afterwards i was just like talking normal and making it seem i wasn't upset and just said to call me back! well he never did... by this time all i could think of all day was him... and how hurt I was! I was just confused why out of nowhere he started ignoring me cause last time we talked or hung out we were in really good terms... so it was strange for me... the point is that he recently got a gf like few weeks ago and it just really hurts me... i like him soo much now i don't know what to do... i even sent him a message online telling him how i thought he was soo sweet and why he is ignoring and that i valued our friendship ( i didn't let him know that i was really upset or that i liked him a lot) But he just read my message.. and never replied back. i don't know whats the deal and not trying to be mean or anything but hes gf is not that cute and i think shes into drugs and smoking which he is totally the opposite.. i'm just confused and really hurt :(
By May
Answer:
Dear May,
You may think you love him, but unfortunately or rather fortunately, he does not share your feelings. Stop seeking him out, the relationship is over.
It is understandable that you would be feeling hurt and betrayed, but believe me you will forget in time. Enjoy your life and do not think about people that are best forgotten
In time you will find another love, a guy that is right for you. You are lucky this one wasn't.
Good luck
Sil
May:
On the one hand, he sounds like he was a bit of a schmuck for not giving you the simple dignity of being honest and telling you that he lost interest in you.
On the other hand, when he was giving you attention you sounded like you took him for granted a bit. After all, you did say "i did sorta like him, but to the point i would wear my glasses and not do my hair which i would never do with a guy i like a lot! "
Taking your story at face value, it sounds like it was OK for him to give you attention and you not be all that interested. But once the tables were turned and he didn't seem to care....
In other words, him losing interest in you probably hurt less because you cared about him, and more because someone who was giving you attention decided for some reason to stop giving you attention--even though you were only mildly interested in him.
No one likes rejection, even from someone that you are not very interested in.
When he was giving you more attention than you were giving him, you were in control of the relationship. After all, he was pursuing you, but you, on the other hand, were not really trying to pursue him or impress him.
When he stopped pursuing the relationship through calling you etc.--and especially when he would not return your calls etc.--at that point it probably felt like he was now in control of the relationship.
Some relationship get into that unhealthy, damaging pattern of "the one who is least interested is the one who is most in control of the relationship."
Again, you said you were't too interested in him at first, but once he made it clear by his actions that he wasn't really too interested in you, at that point you started pursuing him.
Calling him to try and get a clear answer from him is a good thing. But if he won't let you know why he changed from calling you to not returning your calls, unfurtunately, there is little you can do about that. You can't force someone to be honest and treat you with the respect you deserve. But you can decide to treat yourself with respect--- by dropping all further efforts to get him to explain himself etc. and moving one.
well honestly, what did u expect? that u cud treat him badly and he wud continue to maintain interest in you?
yeah, there's this really sweet guy. i kind of feel like he's like my best friend but i'm pretty sure he doesn't feel the same way. and recently i've been falling for him and idk if its just some weird feeling. but he's really, really sweet guy but older than me by over two years and wayy taller. it just kind of feels weird cuz i think we're pretty close. but he never calls. its always me who calls and half the time he's not home. plus, i think he has feelings for one of my best friends. he's way too shy about his feelings and won't admit anything and it doesn't help that i'm younger. so i'm just waiting it out until we get older and keeping the friendship. i've only known him for 2 months and i have a feeling we'll become best friends and get closer than that...so yeah, i think you should just try to forget him slowly. if he's not answering you then he's being really stupid. and if he's ignoring you then he's not worth ur time. i know that you think he's amazing but hang out with some otherr guys and maybe you'll realize that you deserve more than what he gave you.