Ok there’s this guy I am in love with -- who we started out as just friends that have sex-- and now I am really clinging to him and telling him how I feel and it's really pushing him away. I think cause he said I love you when he was drunk then said he didn't mean it. It broke my heart and I don't know how he REALLY feels. He tells me he doesn’t LOVE me but just as a friend, and that there will never be anything between us. I do not know why I am hanging on.
The longest I can go without calling him is like two days and he never will call me first! What do I do? I am really in love with him and I want him to be with me!
By Jess
Answer:
Dear Jess,
Being in love and being ‘in lust’ are two different things. I think it’s obvious that you’re both ‘in lust’ with each other, which is fine as long as you don’t develop ‘feelings’… that’s the tricky bit.
You have developed feelings towards this guy who, as you say, doesn’t feel the same way back. This is not fair to you. But I must be very honest with you when I say that you ‘did’ kinda bring it onto yourself when you started out. So he’s not completely to blame. You set the rules at the beginning and follow them as you go along. Now you want to change these rules and both sides must accept. Trust me, I know how you feel. But you must be strong and decide one of these two possibilities:
a) You go back to the way you were and suppress your feelings.
b) You break up.
Notice there is no ‘c’ because you can’t make anyone love you unless they want to. It’s clear that you’re a woman how has a lot to give. You’re passionate, and don’t give up. It just feels like such a waste that such love is not returned with the same strength. I may be too harsh on this guy, but someone who doesn’t call unless you do first doesn’t give me the feeling that he’s as persistent as you. I think it’s time to have a serious talk with him (not necessarily break up) and lay down your situation then make a stand. You don’t deserve to be second best in any relationship! Let him know your love, show him what it means, give him some time and then judge.
Good luck!
Zayed
comments
the problem here is that u had sex w, this man w/o a commitment. u should have nown that eventually one of u need something more, and that it was possible that u couldnt get that w/ whoever ur w/. like all the problems posted here it is the fault of the postee, that being u. my advice is break up w/ him while u still have some dignity, hten look for a meaningful relationship.
Jess,
all along he has been using u, and if all he wanted from you in the first place was sex then he's a jerk, and by doing all this you are degrading yurself. You can do better and you don't need him. I know this is a bit cheesy but you should find someone who will love you for whats inside and out- not just a relationship based on the physical. Have some dignity and lose the jerk. You deserve a lot better.
I've been having problems with my best friend. he lives in another country and we try to go and see eachother every other weekend and thats been working out great. The problem is that he started to slowly hug me a lot and not wanting to let go. then he has a habit of caressing me. Its obvious that i am hopelessly in love with him and i think he feels something for me too. The other day when he decided to tell me he knew how i felt, he promised me that he would never hurt me and he wanted to give us a try. Now he's telling me he loves me too much as a friend to ruin that. Yet, whenever someone else tries to talk to me, he tries to ruin it for me. Help, i dont know what to do. He acts like he's boyfriend when he's not, but yet he doesn't want to try the option of being with me. I know he has a past issue of girls cheating on him, is it that he is afraid to get hurt?
i feel where your coming from i have a boyfriend right now and things are going real good when we first got together everything was all good now hes always busy and i asked him if hes so busy den maybe we need 2 break up and he said no we can jsut wait it out..i've been doing that but now a whole weekend has past by and he hasnt called me..i dont know what to think...PLEASE HELP