Hey! I hooked up with this guy André a few weeks ago. He's 23 and I'm 16. We were sitting on the couch and I had been hitting on him the whole night. I guess I had my feet against his back and he told me how good they felt on his back because they were cold... so he kept telling me where to move them.

Then a while later he turned to me and said I'm going to be completely honest with you... I've been hitting on you all night and I said I’ve
been hitting on you too and we kept talking and finally he leaned in and kissed me. He told me how a girl my age shouldn't look as good as me or kiss as good as me. And all night he was calling me gorgeous and how my eyes are so beautiful and he can't look away from me.

I told him we had to stay on top of my clothes because my friend Tanya came back from the bar and I promised her that if I stayed the night with him I wouldn't have sex with him. He told me that he respected me for it and he would wait as long as he had to. He told me that he wasn't going to be like the other guys I've had in my life to me, and that I was going to make a great lover. He had drank that night but he stopped drinking at around 11 and we were up together till 6 in the morning. I waited to see him all weekend and made excuses as to why he wasn't coming around. Well I found out that he may have a girlfriend in a city a few hours away from ours. Then I found out that the day after we hooked up this guy Paul told him what happened and he said “Oh my God I did that I know he wasn't that drunk and most of it had worn off before the night was even half way through.

Well I saw him a few days later over at Paul's house and we were avoiding each other but a friend says we were looking at each other a lot. We both had smokes in our mouths but no lighter so I ran in for a lighter and came back out and lit my smoke...he was only a few feet away so I passed it to him without looking directly at his face...I reached for the lighter and he pulled it back a few times playfully...and he said "you can't even look at me" then I looked at him straight in the eyes for a few seconds and took the lighter. He said something like "your mad at me" and I said no I’m not” and he said “I can see it in your eyes” and I said “no I’m not I’m just a bit tipsy.” And he said “oh so you don't really care” and he laughed and started to walk away. A few days later I wrote him a 2-page letter on paper towel over at Paul's house and slipped it in the window of his truck because he wasn't going to be coming home from work (with Paul) until late that night after I left. He received the note and was going to Darien lake the next day with Paul and a bunch of people. Paul came over to my house to borrow the bbq and he told me André told him he got a note... so I know he got it.

Someone please help me. I really want to date him but I don't know how I should go about it. I think he's just scared about my age. But where we are it's legal and we both like each other so I don't feel there's anything wrong with it. Any advice?

By Casey

Answer:

My dear Casey,

Regardless of the fact that where you live the relationship between a 23 year-old man and a 16 year-old girl is legal or not, there is still a big issue. (Where do you live anyway?)
I can sum up your problem by saying that Andre may seem to be a nice guy since he respected your wish of not having sex that night, not most guys do that. In all cases, when a guy is 23, he is very careful of what he does with a 16-year old. Andre is being careful. He is obviously attracted to you physically but he doesn’t want to go too far. I think he’s doing the right thing by avoiding you although he’s not doing a very good job. He should be frank and should tell you what he really wants and thinks instead of just ignoring your towel messages….by the way, weren’t there any papers to write on?

Now, enough of him, back to you. My question to you would be this: “Why are you interested with a guy who’s this much older than you?” is it because he was at the right place at the right time? Or do you feel boys your age are not mature enough for you? Whatever the answer is, I would have to be the nice guy and say the same boring thing again. He’s too old for you! Stick to people your own age group, or a few years older. If you won’t do it for this reason, think of this: You can do better! Why should a girl your age with your potential be hanging around someone who doesn’t appreciate her? You should be loved with just the same amount as you give. Either he realizes you and gets out of this confusion or he drops it completely! Don’t settle for anything less!
Good luck!