At the turn of the year ('03) I was informed that she resumed college for an mba and I was alarmed a the fact that she could be falling for someone else. Jealousy, arrogance, silliness ... and all the negative aspects of character formed my new me. I remained intact with my job and developed a good career with time. I also had a few, short relationships that were simple and non-intense. I realized I was mellowing down and by the end of the year I felt I was over her.
Mornings were not sad anymore, and slow music sounded warm again instead of depressing. The following year ('04) we spotted each other online and had a wonderful chat in catching up on events. A few weeks later I flew to see her (pretending to attend a business event). She invited me over for lunch with her family. As I entered her house and laid my eyes on her I literally felt like someone poured a bottle of cognac inside my abdominal area and it was so obvious to everyone around. Only this time, there was only 1 cheek kiss and a simple (non-tight) hug.

Somehow, someway, I let go of my feelings in the stupidest way: "I miss you ". Her reaction that came in a conversation later was weird and disappointing: "you're the best guy friend I have in my life and I could tell you about anything personal even after months and months ... I trust in you...". That night was a misery, and the next morning I had decided to cut-off completely because I was simply suffering way too long.

to be continued ...

By Marlboro