I am a married person, I love my family so much, but I am in love with my friend, she became my close friend just 2 months ago, she always telling me her problems and I am always listening to her, she is also listening to me, I became like a father to her or old brother, recently, she got divorced, I started to love her so much, I am not sure about her feelings towards me.
Simon
Dear Simon,
It is ok to be best friends with this woman, but don't forget that you are committed to your family, and you have an obligation towards them.
It doesn't matter how she feels towards you! You have to keep the relationship on friendship basis.
comments
Dear Simon,
My husband says to ask yourself this question,
"Is it worth it?"
Good luck.
in my opion if a person is married like you and you love your family and ofcourse your wife then why are you going the wrong direction and falling in love with someone else. In my opion is that your not falling in love because the love that you have is a friendship love. You talk to her and listen to her and she does the same for you. That's all that you fell. she's is becoming your best friend maybe that's what you're feeling that commuication with her.
BOY ARE U CRAZY???? u better not have kids... where is your wife?? if you really love your family soo much then its your wife that needs to be bestfriends with you not some other friend? your wife,your partner in life is the best person for u, belive me because without her u will realize your not whole.. and think about it is leaving her for some friend really worth it if so then your marriage is a mistake.
Have I fallen in Love with another women? I have been married for 21 years and have 2 kids. Our sex life is virtually nonexistent and boring. My wife doesn't like to be physically touched or cuddled, though she loves me. I recently fell in love with an exceptional beautiful woman who enjoys sex and cuddling. We spent the next 17 days sleeping together and made passionate love 49 times. Neither of us were looking for anyone, it just happened instantly, like in the movies. It was more than just sex. It was how we both made each other feel, how easily we connected, both physically and mentally. I think about her every minute of the day. I would go to the ends of the earth to feel the same way when I am with her. It's like an addiction or a drug, a force so powerful and compelling that I cannot stop it. We actually talk about our future together. We are not crazy and understand the risks of divorcing our spouses. Should I leave my wife and kids plus approximately $300,000 in a divorce settlement for her? Should we stop our affair for awhile to see if we are truly in love?
Dont messup what you got know. your married and you got kids.When your kids get older there going to ask you why or how it happend and its gonna hurt them as they get older belive me i know.
I was in a very similar and agonizing situation. I am 41 yrs old, married since I was 22 with 3 beautiful daughters. I fell in love with another woman at first glance last year during a business trip and she fell for me just as quickly. It was magical. We never had sex, but did talk, kiss and cuddle for literally only 4 hours total during my trip. She lives in IL and I in NY, but we communicate almost daily. I know deep in my heart, she is "the one". She too feels the same way about me and wants to spend the rest of her life with me. Never fell in love so fast or so hard before. I didn't even believe it could happen until it happened to me. My wife is a very caring, loving person, but we have our differences as you can imagine two people who married at such a young age would. I recently have come to the conclusion that my children are paramount in my life and that all that I am or could be is based on my relationship with them. I would sacrifice every ounce of my being for them. I have broken out into tears almost everyday knowing I will never be with the one I truly believe is my soulmate and the pain is so unbearable at times (literally feels like my heart is breaking). Saying goodbye to her was the toughest thing I ever had to do, but I did it for my daughters. A wise man once said, "The greatest gift you can ever give your children is to love their Mother." No one can ever argue that I don't love my children. My love for my wife (although a different kind of love) will strengthen in time. My lost love will forever hold a special place in my heart. And I will grow stronger from the experience.
I have been married for over 10 years and have one beautiful child. My wife is one of the sweetest women I have ever known. If she ever found out that my very best friend is another woman who I am deeply in love with it would break her heart. I know I am a creep. I make no excuses. I am not justifying my behavior. There were weaknesses in my marriage and I have tried and tried to work on them, but either I failed or my wife did not know how to respond to what I was doing. It has been frustrating. I find myself hating life right now. And, I can relate totally to the previous post who talked about how he loved that woman so much that he literally broke down knowing he wouldn't be with the one he loved so deeply. That is how I feel. And, to know that someone else will love this woman just eats me up inside. I know I should stop talking to her but I can't bring myself to it. Selfish, yes I am, I know it. I am not looking for sympathy or someone to agree with me. I have put myself into a pickle and it will be very difficult to get out of it. I know my wife can sense my distance. She and I are apart because of a job for right now. This does not make it easier. I just wish I could disappear for a while, a long while. I do not deserve either woman and if I am not careful, that is exactly what will happen, I will not have either. Deep down, I believe that is what I deserve anyway.
Sleep with her and get the socalled "love" out of your system, and then run to your wife and cry for sympathy. LOSER.
I'm married for 14 years, aged 36, having two children. I feel shame to have been faking love so long. Yes, I married my present and only husband out of .. stupidness. I was 22 when married, after a relationship of 3 months only. I was living abroad before and met there my "all life lasting love". He's off different religion and country. He used to call me and then the calling ended. Now we are "back together" living each in our own countries with our own families. I'm suffering every day, more and more because of missing him badly. Since I've never loved my legal husband I feel terrible, stupid, childish.. He loves me, I know. What can I do? This love dating from 14 years ago is too strong. He also wants to meet me again. How can I have betrayed my feelings and my heart in this way. Should I become his muslim wife number 3? He regrets not to have a child with me since a long time ago. He has told his family and wifes about me now. Am I going crazy? Should I have a child with him? I thinking to divorce my husband. Weather I end up by beeing with the love of my life or not doesn't change the fact that I don't love my recent husband and I don't want him anymore. Please God, help me. Some muslim woman / man, can you talk some reasonable word to me? Anyone?
I know what each of you struggle with. I am in the same place. I turn to my heart and write what ever comes to my mind. These are my latest thoughts
Inside a moment
Inside a moment
there stands a place
where eternity speaks.
Inside deeper is a place
where two hearts meet.
I find myself in this place
I can’t erase what this all means.
There is a meaning,
a hope, a wondering,
a time when all
will be revealed.
Until that is known…
I will hold on to what is real,
what is true,
what is safe,
I will hold on to you,
the sunset, the shadows,
the light.
I will see through the moment
I will see what is right
Where is time?
Why must we be forsaken
by our thoughts?
We seek abandonment
We dance as lovers in a field
I’m taken away by your graceful bliss
Who would not be moved by your very presence?
Could anything radiate beauty like this?
I don’t… I don’t think so,
It’s you that moves me.
Taken in by what is forbidden
and yet cannot be untold.
This is the dream
that I new would unfold.
Love I am told is the greatest of all we shall seek.
I have before me the truth that could set a person free.
Free… that is what I am with you.
Free… that is what I know is true.
Free…is inside a moment with you.
Inside a moment eternity can be revealed.
The very essence of all of creation lies in these truths.
_________________________________
I think.... goes right out the door when you fall in love with someone else. Logic, reason, ...forget about it. For those who call these souls losers.... they but only bring condemnation upon themselves.
These are real emotions. They are reality to those who experience them. I wish there was an answer that was easy. There is no easy answer. Someone always gets hurt...
Dear DA, thanks for your beautifull poem. I enjoyed reading it. You're absolutely right about the true feelings of these people writing here. In fact, you "encouraged" me to make up my mind. I will divorce. I can't continue lying to myself, my children and my husband. I'm not dreaming anything impossible, that is, becoming legally wedded wife for the "love of my life" living so far but at least I'll get peace - I'm honest to myself and my husband. Yes, we'll all be hurt but life will go on. To close I'm sending you these heartbraking lyrics of Ahmed Shafik:
"Your eyes took me back to my days that are gone.They taught me to regret the past and its wounds.Whatever I saw before my eyes saw you was a wasted life.How could they consider that part of my life?
With your light, the dawn of my life started.How much of my life before you was lost.It is a wasted past, my love.My heart never saw happiness before you.My heart never saw anything in life other than the taste of pain and suffering.
I started only now to love my life.And started to worry that my life would run away from me.
My dreams they found it in the light of your eyes.Oh my heart’s life .. You are more precious than my life.
The beautiful nights and the yearning and the great love.From a long time ago the heart is holding for you.Taste the love with me bit by bit from the kindness of my heart that is longing for the kindness of your heart.Bring your eyes close so that my eyes can get lost in the life of your eyes.Bring your hands so that my hands will rest in the touch of your hands.
My love, come, and enough.
What we missed is not little, oh love of my soul.
I reconciled with days because of you,I forgave the time because of you,With you I forgot my pains, And I forgot with you my misery.
Your eyes took me back to my days that are gone.They taught me to regret the past and its wounds.Whatever I saw before my eyes saw you was a wasted life.How could they consider that part of my life?
You are my life that starts its dawn with your light."
With all my Love,
Sirpa
okay i need help i dont know what to do.there is this guy that really "loves me" and says im the nicest and prittiest girl ever has asked all his friens to ask me out for him, and i keep making exuses, i guss at the beginning i kinda liked him but when someone followes you around and sends you messages saying he loves you and writing it on your locker, okay i think thats going a little to far.plus the fact that my so called friends try to huck me up with him. i think he is so sweet for doing all of this but.. i dont know. i think it might be because i like somebody else. plez someone hepl me hes going to make me kill myself, once i tried telling him that i was madly in love with some one else but that made thing worce because he got all sad and kept telling me i brock his heart, then i just told him i was joking because i just couldnt do that to him, i think im acting like a toltal bit** to him but what else do,(and a funny thing is i dont know i think i might actually kind of like him,because when he talks to other girls i get jelos and when he talks to me i turn red and get all shy)
lebanese foreva
hanan i think you should go out with him for like a day or two and act like a real bi*** so that he breaks up with you then i thi nk he wikll leave you alone, at least you did what he wanted yoyu went out with him
Dear Hanan,
I think you should try to see his true nature. Are you satisfied with someone who is overdoing himself, hunging around you every minute, trying to suffocate you? Is that the kind of love and PERSONALITY you wish to deal with daily and.. who knows for years to go. Trie to see yourself in this relationship for the next 2-3 months. Will he give you the space and air to breath? Could you meet other friends, relatives without him beeing around 24 hours. Love is intense, yes, but not idolatrice! Also, you said to be interested in someone else perhaps:you're already trying to avoid him (this glue!) or then you don't have genuine feeelings for this boy at all. Listen to your heart and TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS.
I am in the same situation, where I am falling for someone else, as we speak. I am married to most kind and loving person, but the love and passion is slowly disappearing before us. The first year was great, but the following years I notice the difference between, and I questioned my love for her. I meet someone at work, who I have known for about a year now. It was only a glance. She is so beautiful, with the nicest smile, and eyes that are so sweet to look at. But it was only a glance, I knew I couldn't. For a year it was only hello's and goodbye's, nothing more. But that whole year she was the only thing that I think about. My marriage was dwindling in the dust. Now we finally went out, not knowing that she had feelings for me all this time. I'm married but I'm falling for someone else. ????
My wife and I are now divorced. We have been divorced for a little over two years. Our relationship went down the drain a long time ago. Soon after we got married really. My question is: I met another woman. We had lunch twice and kissed only once. Did I have an affair with my wife at the time?
Having been a child of divorced parents, it is indeed true to say that the best gift that a father can give to his children is to love their mother.To love their mother means to be honest to her and spare her the agony of having to discover that your love has wandered through third party personnels. Think through how you should alert her to your changes, but choose a good time to disclose this to her.But most importantly choose what to say to her so that she will not bad mouth you to your kids after the divorce. This will affect your relationship with your children in the long run. It's called single side brain washing. Very potent to youthful minds.If you think you still love your wife, then you could be infatuated with this other woman or could be having a crisis period in your life.In either case, you need to explore the underlying reason for this need of yours.If you think it is infactuation, then your first priority is to try to rework your marriage and save your children from needless grief.If you think you really love this other women then ask yourself the why, five times and if you arrive at a nonsensical answer then it means you are trapped indeed.To escape from this love dungeon,first press the eject button found on the right of the word "forget NOW". After the brief period of rocketing around,if you still find yourself on the same spot, then you quite possibly incurable. Proceed to alleviate pain and reduce hurt by wearing you most serene look to explain to your wife of your intentions. Then take your kids out to a park and gently explain to them what is going to happen. Don't mention about money.You will lose every last bit of respect from your kids.Finally be true to your heart.Seek your destiny no matter how tiny even if its nothing but vanity.Because if you are truly happy later, your kid will be glad to have one happy parent instead of two gloomy unhappy parents. With a little bit of luck, your wife might also find new love and then your kid would have two happy parents.But divorce is a traumatic experience for the littleones.It might be good to get counselling for them.Otherwise your kids might pretend that you have passed away.No offence but it spares them a great deal of agony being pawns on chessboard.But if you have found your new twinkle, congratulations. Many people die without having found their twinkle.This type of love is all almighty and supreme, let not the fritty words of others bend your mood.Let nothing block your path.Shine forth.If this is the second time you are faced with these sort of problem,then go seek help for yourself.There might be some asects of your character that needs debugging.Bonne chance.
I am in love with a married woman. I thought that would be impossible for me but it happened. I can't help it...
She is the most beautiful person I know: a heart of gold, a voice like an angel. God had His best day when He created her. She is smart, energetic, intelligent, charming and great fun... I have to catch my breath every time I see her. Her name gives me the warmest feeling. She touches my heart, my soul and ever since she is part of my being, my life. There is not a single day or moment I don't think about her. She is part of my deepest being. I can't think of a life without her.
When we met the first time in real life, I could not believe my feelings. She knocked me of my feet, I could not believe she came to see me. In 8 months time we grow and grew towards each other and during the process somewhere I found out she is my home. In 39 years of my life I never felt I had a home, a place I call home. The last time we met, a few weeks ago, I landed on Feryhegy airport and I walked out of the hall and I could see a white blury wall and her jeans; I only saw her and she looked soo happy to see me. The feeling was overwelming, intense and it made me realize she is my soulmate, the person I relate to on an existential level, the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. The first time I feel at home somewhere, with someone... isn't that just the weirdest thing. The first time in my life I really believe I could be with someone until i die; until one of us pushes the other around in a wheel chair and feeds the other with love and care. Until then we can live a beautiful, wonderful life that touches the lives of others around us.
She is married, has a husband that loves her and 1 son of about 14 years old. I think she is a wonderful wife and mother although she told me she doesn't love her husband and never loved him. She is devoted to her family and the way she lives now drives her crazy, it tears her apart but she loves me. If she would be free she would be with me until the end of our lives. But she feels she needs time to make a decision and that is wonderful. I would not want her to decide in 2 months for somebody from another country, another culture, another language.
My reason to break up my current relationship is that I've been trying for 3-4 years to get some real progress. The first year was exciting: we did a lot of nice things, we went to places together and we talked, spontaniously, discovered things together. Our son is 2 years and I'm sorry for him I leave his mother. But truth has to be said: even my son's mother thinks I'm a better and more fun father now I've taken the decision to split up. And that's what I feel too: I feel more in sync with myself, more in peace.
One of the things that I have been wondering about and decided upon is the fact that I can't stay in this relationship because it is not fair to stay when you are absolutely unable to maintain the commitment. It would be selfish not to give her a chance to find true happiness, to find love herself with somebody else and to move on with her life.
If you are not really happy, you should give your husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend a chance to get on with their life too. Yes, YES, that will hurt and sometimes there are reasons to give it a rest for a while but .. YES, if you really loved someone and you don't love them anymore, you tried to make it work but it just ain't working out... you have to love them and let them go. Give him/her a chance to find new happiness.
Of course, you can always argue: who was first, the chicken or the egg, your new love or the knowledge the love you had is gone. Everybody has to assess this for themselves and there is no right or wrong in this. Top and bottom line is: if you found that new love, if you thought about it and just KNOW it is true, if you fought for your old love and it just doesn't go... LEAVE it.. be fair, be honest.
I am not telling to leave your partner without a fight: NO NO NO! We should fight for our commitments: for some this is 1 year for some this is 10 years. I have no answer how long a fight for love and happiness, for commitment and loyalty should last. I only know there is an end to it and that is not a shame, that is not a loss, that is not a discrase.
It is pain but for those who stay in a relationship without true love, it is worse.
For me, I gave it 3-4 years and I would never fall in love with somebody if there is no space for that. I am fully and 100% convinced my sweet girl from Budapest couldn't have fallen in love with me if there was no room for me in her heart. It is sad this happens but wonderful too: we get a chance to really love and be loved. We get a chance most people never will have: real love. Isn't that worth fighting for, isn't that worth dying for?