I'm Married But I Found My Soul Mate

By H.A.R. on May 22, 2012

Married But Love Someone Else

I am already married but I have deeply fallen in love with someone else. I can sense that he is my soul mate, who I have been searching for. I want to grow old with him. On the other hand, I don't love my husband anymore (assuming it was love at the very beginning). I want to be free.
What should I do?


Dear SM,

Well, if you are 100% sure of your feelings towards your husband, and the other man, then you have to be brave, and take things into your own hands; you have to talk about it with your husband, tell him that things aren't working between you two, and that you would like to split up, yet stay friends, because you wouldn't want to stay in a relation with him until you hate him!

You have to handle things with care.
Good Luck

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  1. mann


    Feb 24, 2006

    u find ur soulmate.thats fine.get divorce.get married to ur soulmate and be happy till u dont find another soulmate.

  1. inta hmara

    inta hmara

    Feb 24, 2006

    U r an idiot. What are u -- 16 years old. You should have never gotten married u looser.

  1. Candace


    Feb 27, 2006

    I am kinda in the same situation. However, I still have feelings for my husband. I didn't think it would ever be possible to love two people at once, but it is.

    I sympathize with you and would just say to go with your gut feeling.

  1. iower


    Feb 28, 2006

    candance inti hemara too, just stop writing dumby

  1. Melissa


    Jun 6, 2006

    Go for it if you are 100% sure on those feelings being gone for your husband.

    Hey there I could have wrote this myself.

    I don't feel much of anything for my husband anymore. We fought alot before we married. I guess I was dumb. I thought our daughter would change things. WELL it did we haven't fought much bickering here and there but nothing. I just gave up all feelings or cares about what he does. Isn't that bad? :( In the begining I was sooo worried about him cheating he was even signed up(recent to that time period) singles and dating pages looking for someone. He just couldn't understand why I was upset.

    Anyway I too have met someone who I believe is my soulmate. The intense emotions are insane and overwhelming even when we sit in silence. WHOA!!! Its like nothing I've ever felt. Seemed I wasn't even in my body anymore. Weird. I am 99.9% sure these feelings are mutual with this guy.

    I've been married 3 years and we have a soon to be 3 year old girl. I'm too scared to say anything to either my husband or this man. ARGH!!!!!!!!!!

    I met my husband in a very, very similar way but the emotions are 100 times more its so unreal.

  1. Annie


    Jun 15, 2006

    Well, I guess it kinda comforting that I'm not the only one!!! I've been with my husband since I was 18. He married me although I had a child from a previous relationship. We have 2 other children together and have been together 20 years now. I know that my husband loves me very much. I also know that my husband and the kids would be crushed if they found out that I have also found my kindred spirit. I wasn't even looking. He is also married, with children, and we both realize that it would be devistating if we were to break up our very comfortable family lives. I have, over the years, come to love my husband. When we were married, I know he loved me...but I did not love him...then. There is no right or wrong answer to these kinds of situations. Everybody's is different. Knowing this person has made me a better person, which I am able to pass on to my family in being a better wife and mother. Sometimes life is all about what you can stand. I have an extreme sense of duty to my family and am not willing to give that up. I guess that's what we have to figure out....what is it that we really want...what can we stand and live with. If he or I did not have children, I have no doubt that we would be spending the rest of our lives together, but that is not the case. Good luck to all of you women. Be strong!!!

  1. adam


    Jun 18, 2006

    One thing that I really hate about women, evey If I do love them, I can say same thing about men.

    When we are married we have no right to interact with other men or women
    we have no right to look around thats called cheating
    of course when you are in bad situation with your husband or wife, you try to talk to someone then for some reason you find the other sex very understanding and give you all support, God knows her or his reason....thats where the cheating start..

    Of course that person will become your confidente and you start to love him or her

    Thats not the way we resolve problems by cheating.
    we need to be more mature and understanding
    Before doing so and finding someone while you are married " God doesnot like that?

    First talk.. find solution May God will change sitution
    then talk to people that would help not the one who take advantages of the situation...because those who does, things will turn around and they will regret.
    Then seek a devorce

    Thank you
    Be smart and honest
    donnot be a cheater not good

  1. Annie


    Jun 26, 2006

    How is it possible for you to know what God wants. Because some men 1800 years ago wrote a book? To be fair, do you not think that God would have also "talked" to women as well. Funny how there are no books in the Bible written by women...don't you think? You also say that "When we are married we have no right to interact with men or women". Are you joking? We interact with people every day! To be very blunt, this "relationship" that I'm currently in has not been a physical one at all. That's not what this is about. As I stated previously, we have no intentions of being involved in a diviorce. Knowing each other has made us better people. You can think of it as finding a best friend. Oh, but wait, we are opposite sexes right....how can we be friends LOL This post from Adam sounds like it's coming from a person that has been pained in some way....I truly feel for you Adam.

  1. Linzy


    Oct 7, 2006

    I know exactly how you are feeling. I have been married for 6 years with two kids. I have been taken advantage of, and totally did everything while my husband ran and did what he wanted and he lost my heart. I started having feelings for someone else. I had a breakdown and told my husband everything he has put me thru and I am not in love with him anymore. He is devastated and trying to fix things. The only thing is I have fallen in love with someone else now. I don't know if I should stay not to hurt him and the kids, or leave him so I can be with the person I am in love with and makes me happy.
    Stressed out and Frustrated,

  1. Lisa


    Nov 15, 2006

    Well, Im in love with my best friend and her man, and they with me. Im recently married after being with my man for 8yrs. We have 4 children under 7yrs old. He has been married before and has spent half our relationship comparing me to his ex wife. I have had a sexual relationship with my female friend that my husband knows about, this happened during a short separation. I have become my husbands' convenience and crave for my own personal space. He does not help out nor does he try to help our marriage. I get what I need from my friends, emotionally and physically. I want to leave but dont want to hurt him because he is a good man when he wants to be. I want to fix things but am tired of doing it alone. My husband is also 12yrs older than I. How many times can you tell your man the same thing until he gets it? I feel like Im chasing my tail...My friends are wanting me to move in with them, with my children, what do I do?

  1. april


    Jun 5, 2007

    i am wowed by all of you in the boat, my questions running through my head are that none of us created these emotions so how can we put boundaries on any of it? yeah to maintain order and good dicipline but why do we limit things we do not truly understand? i love my husband very much but am not in love with him. as a matter of fact i am still a newly wed with no children so i see it being more difficult that would be to have to deal with that as well. the strange thing is that both of us agree that we jumped in to fast and he doesnt understand or want to see how i am trying to tell him there was just nothing that deep there to pretend for 10 or more years that everything is ok with me. i do know i have found my soulmate but the timing is all off, i'm lost he's lost and knows i'm married but both of us are spinning and hurt on what to do? my husband has done nothing major for me to leave him so i feel bad that i have hurt everyone in this process or web that i have spun. i want to tell him and then i dont. i want to be happy, but a realist, i dont know what to do, this is most confusing time of my life and i'm only 22! maybe i dont know what real love is i dont know.. i thought i did, now i just feel sick to my stomach to even fathom the thought there are emotions that i cannot control and i am afraid i will not be happy if i stay...i dont know where to go for answers nothing seems right and trust is so hard to find, who am i to talk right? god i feel like total crap. if anybody has has already been through this and would feel free to share their aftermath please i know it wont solve my problems i guess i just want to feel that maybe there is hope for those who want to follow their heart knowing there are consequences and facing the biggest question inside of us all. What is real love?

  1. Mary


    Jun 14, 2007

    What can I add? I met my soul mate. He left his partner of 30 years. We split up, he went back to her. love is not always what it seems. Be very careful with the idea of who you have fallen in love with the reality of the person that really is behind the facade of 'love' Love manifests in so many different ways. We had a dream world where we met for a day a week for a few years. The dream was shattered for both of us when he moved in. Neither recognised the other. the love that he feels for his partner has in the end won the day....my advice? Tread carefully, listen to your intuition and if you are going to break up your relationship or someone else's, do it not because you are 'in love' but because it is a necessary path. And then take it easy and slowly with your love. I did'nt ask for what happened. I never asked him to move in. He decided to. And the whole friendship collapsed along with our meetings...And if nothing else, learn to be centred anyway, so that life's blows and joys don't throw you off balance. Take care!

  1. Cris


    Jul 19, 2007

    I recently remet someone I knew in college at a friend of mines wedding. I had an instant connection with him and now I can't stop thinking about him. We email occasionally, silly sarcastic emails, but I find myself checking my email nonstop to see if he has responded. I'm not sure what is going on but I know I am married and should not feel this way about another person. I have been married two and a half years. We got married after knowing each other for 4 months b/c I was pregnant. We fight constantly, threaten divore, constantly and have even said we hate each other. Yet we still stay married. I think I love him but I am just not "in love" with him. I fell out of love with him when I found out the true person he was. I stay b/c I have no other options. Anyone out there I am looking for opinions on this. Is it normal to have feelings for another man while your married, or am I just looking for a reason to leave.

  1. Susan


    Jul 24, 2007

    Wow-I'm sure glad that I'm not the only one with this problem. Being "in love" with someone else and marrying for love and friendship are two totally different ideas. I'm in love with an ex-boyfriend-his carisma, wit, way of living, but would have to give up my family if I were to be with him. My ex-boyfriend has so many other hangups, that I know we would never be "best friends". I recently remarried my ex-husband do to financial difficulties, but still love him and know that he his my best friend, and will be my life partner forever-the person that will be there to hold my hand when we get old or sick. I believe this is the most important part of marriage-not just love, but trust, respect and compassion for the best friend that each of us might be lucky to find once in a lifetime. I know the ex-boyfriend has alot of charm, and really was wonderful in bed, but not great at relationships, especially one that was going to be long term.

  1. Annie


    Aug 14, 2007

    Mary, what you have posted really hit home. I'm the Annie that posted last year. What you have said totally makes sense. I meet this man only once in a while (he lives in Canada while I'm in the States). When we are together we are in a perfect dream world. But we do not share each others everyday mundane problems. I often wonder what we would be like in the "real world". I think we would be amazing together, but I guess you never really know. Out of the 8 children involved in our two families, the youngest is 5. So we half joke about that we only have another 13 years to go!!! But after that amount of time, could we really leave our current partners?! We will never leave while we have children. But I have to admit, it's a difficult situation to be in. Two other huge factors are that he is almost 60 and I'm not quite 40 and he is a high profile person in Canada and has the "image" thing to worry about. It's just all so confusing. I suppose there are no easy answers in life.

  1. Karolyn


    Sep 7, 2007

    Mmm. Great thread here. I am in a similar situation. Been married for a decade. Known my husband for years before that. Three children. He is devoted. But our sex life is non-existent. We live like brother and sister or best friends raising children. Have recently met someone, that we both know and like, and I can't stop thinking about him. MAJOR crush and I didn't think I still was "ticking" if you know what I mean. Nice thing is I'm the only one who knows about it. I think I'm infatuated right now. Sure, even the best of marriages can lose their zest and that first flush of a relationship when you can't stop thinking about each other. Maybe that is what this is all about! My having a "crush". But I just click with this man in a way I did not expect. Yet I love my husband and family (this other man is my age but never has married--but he is GREAT with our kids, too). Any advice or solace would be welcome. I'm going out of my mind! Maybe I should just read or write romance novels...now I understand why they are so popular. "Calgon, take me away!"

  1. Dan


    Sep 15, 2007

    I'm in the same boat Karolyn. I've been married for 4 years, my wife and I have a great little boy we love tremendously, but we've not been on the same page emotionally for a year or two, and we've drifted apart somewhat. It's only recently that we began the hard task of directly asking the tough questions to get things back on track, or not. In the midst of all of this, I met someone who for all intent and purposes is my mental twin. We found out in short order, we also had *everything* in common, and wanted to spend enormous amounts of time together, and we did. It didn't get intimate, but we could see it going that way quick. Her marriage has also been on the rocks, and she and her husband never were able to have kids, and she really wanted to be a mom. So, I guess she not only saw in me a dual brain/soul match, but also someone she might be able to have kids with, while living all the other dreams out with me simultaneously. After several months of being in limbo on what to do, we decided to go back to our original spouses, and try as hard as possible to correct what was wrong in our relationships, for when we pulled on the threads of our relationships with them, and contemplated what would occur if we left our spouses, there were too many consequences we simply couldn't live with. I have to tell you, it was *incredibly* hard to face that reality, and it still is today. But, I think if it's meant to be between two people, life eventually makes it happen, and that's what we're counting on, one way or the other.

  1. Kerry


    Sep 22, 2007

    I see I am not the only one out here with these problems. I have been married to my husband for 16years. We started dating when I was 16, dated for 5 years before getting married. I am a full time student and have fallen for a guy, I am sure is who I am meant to be with. I look at him and get warm fuzzies. My husband and I, like some of the others, live like brother and sister. I know he adores me, would never cheat, etc. I however have totally lost interest. He is a home body, I love to go and do things. He hates meeting people, I love it. I do everything with our 13year old dtr. He does nothing. His life consist of the recliner, motorcylce and work. I should be happy he is no out there doing God knows what, but I am BORED! I have tried talking to him several times about how I feel, I get no where. What should I do. He would, I know it as I am sitting here, go to hell in hand basket if I left him. I don't want that to happen. Any advice?

  1. Chris


    Nov 10, 2007

    Is anyone who posts here familiar with numerology, life path, etc...? I am married for 15 years, never cheated.

    Last year I was drawn to a woman in a bizarre way. She isn't strikingly beautiful and has a 3 y/o.

    I started to see her on a regular basis and immediately found a bizarre connection that seemed more mental than anything else.

    We knew mostly everything the other was thinking or doing and even communicated over distance regularly!

    I was so blown away that I didn't pause to consider the possibility of a physical relationship until she initiated. I didn't even question it or try to hide it from anyone.

    I have never felt so close to anyone in my entire life. Not to sound corny, but we connect on a whole different level. I've been in love before and remember the feelings, but NEVER like this!

    I broke up w/ her last year for reasons that I still don't understand. We still talk frequently. I am with my wife and she is with someone else. Both of us really love each other and it hurts. Believe me, we cannot look each other in the eyes for more than a moment.

    The thing is our numerology readings are EXACTLY the same! We still connect mentally like we have the same mind. It's scary.

    I would like to talk to someone who has had a similar experience.

  1. S.M.S.


    Nov 12, 2007

    Ah!! The "mental and emotional connection" not found with one's partner. You people are so full of it!!
    Why don't you screw the hell out of that "connection" until you get bored with it and with the person, and many of you sure will, then run afterwards to your non-understanding partner with your tails between your legs.
    Some of you are trying to justify your lust, boredom and dissatisfaction with love and affection.

  1. Emma


    Nov 14, 2007

    Hi Chris
    I had a similar experience as yours and its almost like damn! Why do we always meet our perfect matches after we are taken? This guy is much older than I am but this attraction was so instantaneous, so right. I still can't get the right words to describe it but when we finally got to talk to each other about our feelings, he said it feels like a spiritual connection. There was so much energy between us that people begun to notice. He says he feels peaceful when he is with me, he will meet me anywhere anytime and when he kisses me, I know his whole being is with me. I feel the intensity of his love from the way he treats me. He cares for me so much almost protective of me and i see it in his eyes and I feel it from his touch, it is real. He cries sometimes when we are together....never had sex yet in 6 months. I did not see this coming neither was I looking. I also know that nobody creates such emotions and energies. We are both married and it seems we will remain that way. I do not know what to think right now, but i do know that I will always be thankful for finding someone who loves me and cares for me like this man does. I will always know that yes, I am worth love and lovable. I will be wiser, non-judgemental but above all, I will always be grateful to him for giving me love and being my soulmate.

  1. Chris


    Nov 17, 2007


    You say that you are married and will remain so. Does this create a difficult situation for you? I know that when I am not with my love, I feel incomplete. Up until I met her I would have times of depression. That all stopped when we were together. Now it's coming back. Does your husband love you? My wife is a really good person and loves me unconditionally. That makes it so much harder. She recently told me that i have to make a choice. I feel pulled in two directions. By the way, when I was with my soulmate, EVERYONE noticed and commented about how we were so close to each other and in love. No one has ever said that to me prior to this! Both of us have admitted feeling the energy between us, even though we cannot explain it. Shouldn't this energy exist between us and our spouses? This sucks, and I'm feeling really down.

  1. Suzie Q

    Suzie Q

    Jan 7, 2008

    I am embarassed to say I am having feelings for my brother in law. I've been married with my husband for 4 years but together for 8. We have a beautiful 6 year old together. I can't stand the fact when his older brother comes around or is somewhere like a party, I can't get him out of my mind for weeks! Why do I feel this way and what should I do? I then start to feel uncomfortable around my husband. I know that it can never happen and it won't. Why do I have such strong feelings?

  1. Nikki


    Mar 1, 2008

    Hi everyone,

    I can sympathize with everyone here. It is such a relief to know I'm not the only one to have gone through such difficult decisions.

    I was previously married to my high school sweetheart. I was with him since I was 14 and married him at 20. We have a son together as well. Anyhow, I always knew I loved him but never felt that I was completely compatible with him and even called the wedding off once before we got married. When I married him I couldn't say with 100% certainty that he was "the one" and even had the thought that this was simply the way things were. My parents were divorced so I felt that I had to try my absolute hardest to make this relationship work although I was never really happy.

    While I was married I decided to go back to school to pursue a nursing career. When I was done with that I applied to many places and evetually took a job at a hospital that I had always wanted to work at. It was very easy to get job despite having heard rumors about how tough it was. I had two interviews within a week and was hired immediately. I found it a bit odd.

    When I started working there I met someone who the first day I saw them I felt an instant connection with. I know he felt it too. When we looked into each other's eyes time froze and I felt an instant sense of comfort. Everything at that moment made sense. It was as if I've known him my whole life and we had finally found each other. The way he looked at me was so nurturing and endearing. he even had a sparkle in his eye.

    From that day on, we would work very closely with each other and he would compliment and flirt with me and I could tell he liked me as so did I. Eventually we started emailing back and forth and three months later started spending personal time together. It was an inevitable force that gravitated us to each other and it was impossible to resist.

    I ended up separating from my husband because I realized that the likelihood of me cheating was great and the last thing I wanted to hurt anyone. My now ex-husband deserved to be loved and so did I.

    I don't regret leaving him and we have now been divorced for 2 years. It was the best thing I could've done and am now much happier.

    Unfortunately, my soul mate is still married. While we were spending time together, his wife became pregnant with their second child and I was devastated. I always advised him to work on his marriage as I did not want to be the cause of their separation. I wanted him to leave me alone as I wanted to be with him so much and our situation was hard to accept. He wants to be with me too but doesn't want to break his family apart. He still calls me and tells me that it's impossible to not think of me and that he feels so comfortable being with me and finds it so natural and easy to talk to me but I'm afraid to be close to him because of what might happen.

    Anyway, I know this was very long but at the end what my point is that I left my ex and am much happier now even though I'm not in a relationship with my soulmate. The fact is that I was not in a loving relationship and it had to come to an end to allow myself the opportunity to be happy and for him as well.

  1. thekey


    Apr 12, 2008

    WOW all of your stories were so inspiring even the ones that didn't work out. I have been married for 10 years we have 2 beautiful young children together and used to be happy- until I started changing getting into spirituality and holistic living and such things my husband does not agree with at all. He puts me down for being me and wanting the path that I'm on. I'm going to be an embarrassment to him he says. But I can not go back to the person I used to be and he will not accept me for who I am. I have become celibate now because I can not have sex with someone who can love me for me.

    Anyway while on my path I met an amazing guy who I know now is my soulmate we have an unbelievable connection that just draws us together. He will not kiss me or make love to me- until I am divorced. I know that this is something that comes along once in a lifetime-we have all the same interests and he really respects me we are so close and it is hard living having to deny our love for each other. For sure we had past lives together in which we couldn't be together....I will find a way this time, I will find a way.....
    so I will not give him up-I plan on being able to support myself and getting a small place by myself (if only to sleep there) and still being here at my husband's place most of the time taking care of the kids and cooking and all. It's just that even if I for whatever reason I do not get to be with my love (who by the way is no joke 22 years older than me....yeah try to accept that along with everything else now) that I should not be married to my husband and why?
    Because it's really not about will it work out with so and so but about knowing that love can't confined to this box called marriage. How can you say to someone that you will love only them for the rest of your life when love is not like that. For months I struggled with the whole concept of love and found out that the highest form is unconditional love. I want to love all that way. In Eckhart Tolles book the power of now is a whole section on relationships...(my soumate guy gave me) look on pg 155 where it says love is not selective- just as the light of the sun is not selective. He goes on to say that the love you have for whomever is the same connection that ties everything together. The only difference is the intensity in which it is felt. I hope Tolle doesn't mind me quoting him here but really
    he was the only person who cleared this up for me after months trying to figure out how could it be possible for me to fall in love with someone else when I said I would love only my husband forever in this way. I mean how it is possible?

    I never thought in a million years that this would happen to me- but bottom line- love is not a freakin contract that you sign with someone and never should be-all love is God's love and really we can not control our destiny and fate and where and when we will love. Peace

  1. Nikki


    Apr 16, 2008


    I enjoyed reading your comments. Would you recommend me reading that book? You know, sometimes I wonder if we Americans are obsessed with "love". Are we just in love with love? No matter how much I think about it though, my answer is still the same. I've known "my soulmate" for almost three years now and I still feel the same way as I did on the first day. I find this very rare being that we haven't spent any time together for over a year. Being with him really opened the door to happiness for me and I can honestly say that he has made me a better person and has somehow made me realize what true love is. It's not selfish, not jealous, and makes you whole heartedly wish the best for the other person even when it's not what you might want and it doesn't hurt you.

    Do you believe you can have more than one soulmate in a lifetime? and should you do what is necessary to try and make it work? or are we fooling ourselves?

  1. zakia


    Apr 17, 2008

    Hi everyone,

    I don't know weather I should say i'm glade i'm not alone in these types of situation. I do wish that things will work out for the best for all of us. I read this quote somewhere that "in the end everything will be okay, if it's not okay then it's not the end."

    I so hope that this is true. anyhow lemme tell you my story. I fell in love with this guy in college, where i kept my relationship with him for 2 1/2 years a secret from my friends and family just because falling in love before marriage was against our religious beliefs. So eventually my parents found out about him after snooping through my things, and confronted the guy and tried forcing him to marry me, which we were both at the times were not ready for. so i was forced to break up with him and start the process of an arrange marriage. so i met another guy through this arrange marriage and we got married. Anyhow the first two years were wonderful, but part of me still loved my college sweetheart. and everytime my husband and i would have arguments i found myself contacting my college sweetheart. He always encouraged me that i needed to do whatever it took to make my marriage work, because divorce was another big no no in my culture. anyhow, things between my husband and i just started to fall apart, because i found myself to be distant from him, so we secretly got divorced. and till this day no one knows that we're divorced or that we live apart, but i have told my parents that my husband and are having problems and that i don't love him. i have not told them that i'm still in love with the guy they had forced me to break it off with. now my husband tells me that he loves me and wants to make things work between us, and i have confronted my husband about my feelings for my college sweetheart, and he was angry at first but now tells me that he wants to make it work with me. what to do? i'm open to any advice. i know that lot of this is my fault, but sometimes i can't help the way i feel. its like my head tells me something different from what my heart wants. i feel like the only reason i would be staying with my husband is because i feel bad for hurting him and my family, even though at the end of the day all i think about is my college sweetheart. when people say "just listen to your heart" do they really mean what they say?

  1. Observer

    Observer replied to comment from Annie

    May 23, 2012

    The book of Ruth and the book of Esther!
    Both books in the old testament, both women...

  1. path


    Jun 13, 2012

    My Name is Ms. path tom, I was married to my husband for 13 years and we were both bless with three children, living together as one love, until 2009 when things was no longer the way the was [when he lost his job]. But when he later gets a new job 6 months after, he stated sleeping outside our matrimonial home. Only for me to find out that he was having an affair with the lady that gave he the job. since that day, when i called him, he don't longer pick up my calls and he nothing since to come out good. Yet my husbands just still keep on seeing the lady. Until I met a very good friend of my who was also having a similar problem, who introduced me to a very good love spell caster. But i told her that if it has to do with things that i am not interested, but she said that it has nothing to do with pay first. but the only thing he was ask to do was just to go and buy the items to cast the spell, and that was what she did. And she gave me the spell caster e-mail address and phone number. When i contacted him, i was so surprise when he said that if i have the faith that i will get my husband back in the nest three [3] day, and off which it was really so. but i was so shock that i did not pay any thing to Dr.Magbu but my husband was on his knells begging me and the children for forgiveness. This testimony is just the price i have to pay. This man Magbu is good and he is the author of my happiness.

  1. MaryF.


    Jun 19, 2012

    This is the FIRST site that has sooo many similar stories that address the unexpected dull ache that I have been living with since March 2012. I have been married for 18 yrs. My husband and I married after 6 months...I loved him and still do - but have not been in love with him for years...and honestly told him so over 8 years ago but I don't believe in divorce. Even more importantly, I have a teenage son and step kids who would be devastated if we parted. And as for my husband - was married before –but loves and adores me. He is a good man/provider/father…and great. My husband has been there for me thru out illness…18 yrs of marriage as you can imagine, bring difficulties: emotional, financial, etc. He is a home body never cheated although been cheated on by ex wife. Even after all these yrs i refuse to hurt him or any of our kids. Which leads to my love story: Early March I received an email from a friend who set up a blog acct stating an old family friend was interested in getting in touch with me. I recognized the name immediately. It was my last boyfriend before I married...! I hesitated and delayed replying initially…but decided to call to see how he was doing. Great conversation we literally picked up where we left off! He called old friends, relatives and did 3 way calls to have me speak to them and excitedly professed to all how happy he was to be in touch after all these yrs. He was made aware I had married 6 yrs earlier when he ran into a friend of mine who refused to give him my contact info...because I was married and she knew our love in that past relationship. We arranged to meet weeks later, and my girlfriend agreed to chaperone (at his suggestion). She sensed the feelings we exchanged during that luncheon...mind you, NO long gazes/eye contact, NO touching, NO kissing - NOTHING! But he showed cards he held onto after all these years as well as letters that were sent and the post office returned becuz I had moved yrs before. He sent me flowers anonymously to my office b4 we met. He a perfect gentleman. He never married and kept tel # the same for his business hoping I’d one day get in touch – I did try to find him about 8 years ago but it was fruitless because I was looking for him by old company name and he had no facebook or google accts. He said although disappointed that I am married, he wants nothing more than a friendship and would love to have more - but would never do anything to hurt me or my disrupt my marriage. He too believes my husband doesn't deserve such pain. He said he waited this long and had time to adjust to the fact that I would be married. He is willing to have only a friendship and will not see me in person since March. He also seldom texts or speaks to me via phone. He said he cannot agree to see me right now- and when he has the strength emotionally to do so, he wants a chaperone. He is a breath of fresh aire and has always been very honest abt his love for me and the regrets as well as his happiness that I am happy. I love him and although cannot do anything regarding our being together, I want to see him happy. I know I cannot be his savior and have to decide to sever or sustain but let’s be clear: I would LOVE to be with him! I told my brother, eldest daughter who was very young at the time...who remembers him to as he loves and has fond memories of her! He often says he wishes he didn’t miss her prom, graduation, etc. and would have done right by us both. I don't want to see him hurt any more than he already is...He is single and has no kids…I am the one who can't be available to talk any time day or evening...he accepts that I am married and wished it was him – recognizes it is not. He wants me to be happy. He recently said to me that he believes he is not meant to be happy in this lifetime. He is attractive and successful and has no problem meeting/dating women. He recalls things we did, shared and interests…the way I put on makeup, etc. And he finds me quite attractive (even after 20 yrs more)! I find myself daydreaming about him...I don't want him sexually- I get that I am an emotional creature. *The GIFT he gives/gave me was the feeling that I am beautiful... I don't want to hurt anyone and my life had a void in marriage, but went along just fine before that fateful day in March. However, I am grateful we got to see each other/talk and communicate (on his terms) - he shared it is difficult for him and he loves me always has always will. Now, I have read posts to see how others address this (refraining from or coping) when there is so much confusion and hurt no matter the decision. Who wants to cause others such hurt and pain. When I married, I did it wit hthe vows and religious reasoning intact…and they are still there. I have so much to lose and many would be hurt long and deep if I acted out. I am trying to wrap my head around the truth about what I am feeling…beautiful…loved... I also feel that a great sacrifice is being made by my ex bf…he is the person who doesn't want to harm or disrupt anything in my life..but wishes he could have me. I love my ex bf; I love my husband and have been honest with my ex bf regarding my love for him and love for my husband (functioning) but I am not in love with my husband (no matter, I am staying and will not cheat) – remember, these feelings existed long BEFORE March phone call connection with ex bf. Love songs make it more difficult to think straight so I will have to cease listening to those for a minute. I love my ex bf’s discipline to refrain from me for the sake of the devastation it can cause – and he has a great support group of loved ones who know the pain this can cause for each/both of us either becuz of their own first hand accounts or nervousness at the dangerous place we are by the words he speaks about me. He is warned to stay away because he is NOT married..I am!!! He also shared that I may regret or hate him if I ever fell (I believe love fell on me, though). He said he would not allow me to be tempted and accepts this place we are in. I want him in my life…as a best friend and becuz we have a 20 yr history and I only have one living relative as a living family member, the history we share and memories are so important and fun to discuss. I just cannot deny the love I am feeling inside that reminds me of the young wide eyed girl I was so many yrs ago…a girl I believe was and still is in love with love. I can't imagine life without him in it. Just to talk to him and make sure he is okay…or feel him breathing on the phone…the jokes we share, memories that we exchange…or when discussing much of nothing…it doesn’t matter. I tried to cut the ties by not contacting him for a few weeks and it was agonizing for me (and him). Again, I do not want to lose him now that he has reentered my life. No matter when I see him again...or speak with him, the love will remain. I wish all could experience such sacrificial love...beyond physical – but pure love. Love with a person that is not a figment of ones imagination....not a fantasy...but torn right out of a chapter of the youth love novel of my heart. This man has confirmed that true love does and can exist…I always believed in love but this confirms it for me. I never cheated in my marriage…never attracted to or encouraged the advances/flirting of any male in all the yrs of marriage so, this is not a school girl crush or one seeking attn. I wish him love, joy, happiness and peace and I ask any reading this to extend such warm thoughts on his behalf as well as every other who has loved, lost or had the chance at love again. I just wanted to share this with someone besides my brother who is my best friend and my daughter who always loved my ex bf. During my meeting with him, my girlfriend experienced seeing us in that beautiful restaurant and observed something that needed no words. It was beyond affection, care concern and just disbelief that the moment in time was there for us to share. GOD must love us…even that was a gift I will always treasure and be thankful for. And those few hours went by very quickly! If anyone reading this ever has the blessed gift of being with someone who 'gets' them, loves them truly unconditionally and puts them above themselves...willing to do anything for you…putting you first-being realistic about what can and cannot be via sacrifice...then, enjoy and treasure them. Don't settle if you believe in true love…and reciprocate the love...BUT BE MINDFUL some don’t realize that its that kind of love until it has been departed…(let’s hope not 20 yrs)! 20 yrs is a long time and you can't get time back but the gift remains in memory of mind that no one can take from you. Be accountable and own the choices made. You see, my husband nor kids deserve the pain my selfishness could bring when there are no guarantees…I may believe my ex bf would be my everything in all seasons but you really don’t know how any one will react until confronted by life and one thing about life…IT HAPPENS! I never expected to be given such a gift – let’s call it a 20 yr old gift (warm thoughts never end) and the gift just keeps on giving -- that is my treasure. My secret. My only connection to that ex bf from my past. So, MY truth: My ex bf will always be my one true love and no matter what, that is my memory that will never be tainted. Important SIDEBAR: I will say sex with my husband was great but is even better once I learned to deal with the truth of my feelings and adjust to the discipline it takes to be friends with my ex bf…maybe because I feel so much more voluptuous…appealing, attractive, in love, desirous, etc. – who knew such a thing would occur as I didn’t’ see that coming! The bottom line: it was a blessing to be in touch with my ex bf and it will always remember that day in March ...for always.

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