Hi, I just came across this website by luck and I was inspired to write a little about my story. I am an American man living in the U.S. (Tennessee) and I have been married to a Muslim Kurdish girl for over 3 years. As you can probably guess, this was not the situation that her family had planned for her and she had to run away to be with me.
Here in America, many Muslim girls run away from home with guys, but most return home in a few months heartbroken and sorry for what they did. Most of the time the girl's family accepts them back into the house, even if they have had a child outside of marriage…
In my wife's case, we have 2 beautiful children (girls) and still live in the same city as her family. Our marriage is strong and we are living a good life, but her family still will not have anything to do with her. I know that this hurts my wife and I am sad for my kids because they will never know part of their real family. From the Muslim point of view, I know she violated a major rule, but my children and my wife's family have the same blood in their veins as each other. Shouldn’t that count for something? Does anybody agree with me that "what's done is done" and it is time to accept what has happened? I respect all opinions. Thanks.
By guest writer Patrick
comments
Hey i think if u love her so much u should convert to muslim just do it for her and everything will be okay with the family...
First I would like to thank you for been understanding i mean for your wife.
But in my opinion the only solusion you got for your problem is you should convert to muslim, I guess this is the only way her family will accept you as their son-in-law.
But you have to think about it first, like you have to accept it too to become a muslim just read the holly book (Koran) and i hope you will like what you read and then it's your decision.
Good Luck.
Lelina
Hi Patric ,
I Might be spectacle on the decision of you converting to ISLAM .. Its a leap of faith you should accept & embrace !
Although it's a compromise you should think of since your wife did the "impossible in muslim culture" with her parents to marry you.
I wish you & your wife should discuss this issue openly & try to mend in the best solutions her relationship with her family..
You can also ask for a Good muslim clerk in your state for help & advice...
MY REGARDS TO YOUR WIFE & the CUTE GIRLS
P.S thank you for sharing your story :)
Well considering you have been married for a while, I have to assume the decision whether to convert or not has been discussed in full and taken already. I am not a muslim, but like you said I know a few families that do tend to accept this kind of marriage and move on from there. Have they seen your kids? We, Arabs, have this saying that grandkids are dearer to their grandparents than their own kids. How hard have tried to make peace? I did not experience your kind of situation, but hopefully someone who has will be able to advise you.
And yes, having the same blood does count for something, it always does. I always thought kids and years soften and help to erase the bitterness and resentment.
OH and good luck to you and your family.
i don't think that converting to muslim will help because her parents are already hurt about what happened, and sometimes this kind of things happens with both of them being from the same religion and still the parents refuse to accept it...
i think you should try your best to talk to them and show them your kids... i think that your children are the key to their hearts...
good luck!!!
i think she is the one who made the decision to run away wuth you and this is a christian country she should follow the rules of the country and become christian not the opposit,and her parnets sooner or later they will accept the facts that she is married and have kids and they cant change anything,i advise you to live ur life and not to worry about anything as long as you are happy with you wife and dont vonvert to muslim this is free country and remember she is the one who ran not you
converting to muslim is not the solution at all.
who can presume that after u convert to muslim, they will accept you?
who can presume what will your own parents think and feel if u convert to muslim, they wont like the idea...
so it will be a big circle no exit to it.
let the days and months pass and everything will go in the right way.
well i think that there r things in life that cant be accepted and my adevice to you patrik is that u think and think and think about becoming a muslim cause this is the solution inchallah and before u decide weather u want to become a muslim or not u should read the holly quraan and let ur wife explain to u everything in islam and i think that if u think well u wil become a muslim.wish u luk
patrick,
first of all thanks for sharing your story. iyou wife made her decision on her own, and she has to suffer the consequences. i wouldnt sit here and tell u to convert to islam because u wont be doing it for u or from the heart. you did know that a muslim girl cant marry outside of her faith. i think you should of respected that and didnt marry her despite of love. but thats your business and your decision. i wish u guys the best of luck and tell your wife that parents play a major role in ones life(especially a muslim) so she needs to try harder and harder to fix things with them.
i agree with mya, and is not your fault. your wife should suffer what she did to her family. she knows that is not good decision to run away.
you seem kind man, the wai you write. you dont have to convert to islam is not your religous.
patrick,
i dont agree with the people that are telling you to convert to islam. you have your own beliefs just like your wifes parents do. and your wife is the one that followed you, not the other way around. she should be the one converting to whatever religion you are.
well first of all, its really nice of u to share ur story with us...
second of all i think that converting into a muslim will not only solve your problem but it will help you become a better person, i wasnt a muslim but then i converted with my whole family... however, you should not convert unless you fully understand and agree with all whats in Islam, and i am sure you will because Islam is more than a religion...
but if you already thought of this... then the only solution you've got is talking to them, and i think you should nt just knock their door think of a more creative way like sending them a letter first then meeting them later on
but i've got one question for you...
u mention that u have two young beautiful kids, well what religion do they belong to?
lol, your story really appealed to me considering im also kurdish. thank you very much for sharing. in my opinion, i think since its been so long and things are going very well for u and your family, your wifes parents should of learned to accept it. just out of curiosity...have u ever considered converting? and i also think that your in laws should accept this and let it go especially for the sake of their grandchildren. but in the end it was the decision of your wife...and somethings just never change i guess. sorry kurdish ppl sometimes tend to be strict on culture. however, good luck and god bless you and your family =)
btw-->do your wife and kids speak kurdish?
well i have something to say here. its not the story of romeo and julet is it? i mean risking you family for someone you love. i really wouldn't do that. after all that time they took to take care of her, she disobeys her religion, family, friends. to run away with someone. really i think she made a major mistake even if she loved you really much. well there is nothing much to do now. why didn't you convert to islam if you love her so much??? i mean she risked her family and religion for you. you can do something in return. again this is just my opinion, please dont get offended
i actually agree with nourehan bez she is right and plus that girl she know that in the muslim realigion u have to obeu ur parents mostley ur mom and that was wrong for her to run away bez its haram in the muslim realigion and actually if u really wont ur children to be with their family then become muslimmmm!!!!!!!!!!
good luck.....
Dear Patrick,
There is one major problem. In Islam, If a Muslim girl gets married to some body else who is not a Muslim, it is considered a sin. Even such marriage will never be accepted by God. This marriage from the religious view doesn't exist and the kids are illegitimate and considered born out of wedlock.
Because of that, her parents will never recognize or bless your marriage.
I know that this is very harsh but unfortunately it is the truth that you both have to face it. Converting to Islam should only be considered if you truly believe in your heart that you want to convert. Otherwise it is useless. You can't fake your conversion just to give your self a chance to be accepted by her family. If you have faith and trust in God, I suggest to you just to start educating your self about Islam. There is not much differences between Christianity and Islam. After all, the entire holy religions originated from one source. From God.
Best wishes for you and your family.
i dont agree the idea of you converting to islam firstable dont youhave faith in your religion and in jesus ,is your wife more important to you than jesus ,you will actually leave your religion to become a muslim how mean is that ,think about the punishment you will get for converting to islam you will propably end up in hell....
Hey Patrick,
I think we all do mistakes at a certain period of our lives, so it is natural to do a mistake because it's human nature, we are not angels. But the realization of a mistake is a big step towards redemption, and make sure if you pray God to forgive you, and your wife, He will, cus God loves all creates. Converting to a Muslim is going to help you so much also.
1. There is no real difference between all religions except that Islam is the only Religion that is not misrepresented or falsified. The Holy Quraan holds all the pure principles which directly came form God.
2. Unfortunately, other religions, though they have the same purpose which is the belief in God, they are not purly given to people. there are a lot of misinterpretations in them.
3. So Peter, now you have two choices because you know that you and your wife are mistaken.
a. either leave her.
b. convert to a muslim.
Make the right choice, but dont forget to think about your innocent children who may grow up in one family that hold two religious principles. Believe me that will be hard for them. They after all are going to live a longer live. Therefore, try to help them through this better road.
God bless you :)
Lina
to SANDRA
ISLAM & CHRISTIANITY are two holy religions...
but we as MUSLIMS believe in JESUS & VIRIGIN MARY with all respect that portrayed in a whole script "SURAT MARYAM" in our QURA'N .. GOD in his words mentioned the miracle of JESUS & many other PROPHETS as IBRAHIM father of all prophets ,MOSES,NOAH,ZAKRYA peace upon them.
Its our CORE belief to believe in them all as messengers of GOD fully co joined by our belief in MOHAMMAD peace & prayers of GOD on him..
SANDRA
I am sorry that we as muslims know a lot about CHRISTANITY more than you do about ISLAM ... your ignorance shows your fear ...
thank GOD I am a MUSLIM
well in my opion if you love a person with different religion, love them by who they are. People don't have to swtich relgion to make people happy. If i married a man different from my religon i don't expect him to change his for mine or the other way around. As long as we love each other it doesn't matter. I think you and your wife should go and talk with her parents and if they don't listen then it's their loss. Go again and ask for her hand. The proper way and they may except. If they don't They woudl feel that they lost a part of themselves and i don't think any parent in the world will except that. So please try.thanks
i dont agree with a lot of people here...i dont think you should convert...you know what...love is important..i think you should keep tight..and live your life together...if the parents can't accept it..then who cares..they can live their own life...ignorance is filled in this world...especially the arab world..therefore you can't change it...unfortunately people are a little bit stubborn..good luck..and dont leave and dont convert into islam if you dont want to!
yes we islam know more than you christans. the people who believe jesus, he's only a prohpet. he used to pray to allah ./
peace/
allah give jesus a power to heal people. HE IS NOT GOD, FORSAKE.
hey patrick i will tell you a story:
ok i live in germany and here there are many lebanese, turkish and kurdish ppl and of course german ppl
many turkish girls here are married to a german man and some turkish families accept it others not: there was a turkish girl my friend she was married to a turkish man she had a child: a boy!
but her husband always beats her and he thought that a man can do everything he wants and that she is nothing so they divorced!
one day she fell in love with a german man but they dont wanted to marry she wants to live with him as a girlfriend
but her family doesent accept it but she always said: i love him and i will always love him you cant seperate us!
these words affront the 3 brother so much they thought that she wasted the family honor so they killed her! she lost her life only for the man she loves!
i think you shouldnt convert to muslim sooner or later they will accept you but when you think you can convert and if you really want it than convert!
SANADRA,
those were some harsh words dear, dont tell him that he will burn in hell if he converts. i think its up to him to choose his faith. religion is practiced freely and he should do that.
patrick,
like i said in my previous comment, you and your wife knew what you were getting into before this marriage. you two are from 2 different worlds, you knew there was gonna be consequences to suffer. and if converting is not what YOU want to do then i dont think u should do it, because it wont be accepted. whats there to do, this is life and life is a bit*h
HI there,first of all i'm christian! well unfortunately i disrespect you and her as well, for 2 reasons, 1st she's a weak person she left all her beliefs to marry you, second u r not a real christian or wahetever, what were u thinking when u married a muslim girl? isnt there enough christians in usa? i mean Jesus wants us to build a christian family and raise faithful kids, since ur marriage doesnt afford you this, then it's meaningless, no beauty nor money would replace the grace we get from jesus christ everday, what would benefit u if u won the world and lost ur saviour?!! i really see that u made the biggest mistake in your life! the first and greatest love in earth should be for God, if ur a real man then u should baptize ur wife and ur kids! thank you
Ok, i for one think that all of you people who are saying that "yeah become a muslim, you'll help yourself. etc" should stop boasting about their religion and what not, we all do respect to every religion on earth, but enuf of this. i totally disagree with all of that because even if he did convert, that wouldnt necessarily take the parents anger away. i mean his wife gave them up for him, maybe that's why they're mad too. what i reely think should have happened when they both decided to get married, was that she convert to christianity since she had the balls to actually run away with him. As to what now, well its been 3 years, your in-laws should begin to accept it or else its their loss never getting to know their grandkids. yes, their daughter totally disobeyed them , but hey its the 21st century, people are bound to do this. my uncle did it and my grandma was over it in a couple of years. nothing is more important than the grandkids, so my advice is to just wait it out. in the meantime, you should appreciate what your wife did for you, and you should comfort her everytime you feel that this issue is on her mind .
I hope everything works out for the best
and dont worry about it .
Diane
Oh, and Waleg, i think i've said before that as a good writer, or manager of a forum, you shouldnt make your articles biased, i dont understand why that exclamation mark is needed at the end of the topic subject. i mean maybe if the world was about to face severe massive destruction, but , how funny is this "AMERICAN MARRIED TO A MUSLIM GIRL ! " ... come on Waleg, you know you're better than that . i mean i like this site alot . but just chill, so many people marry from different religions . no big deal. we dont need any more conditioning than whats done to us in our countries.
Thank You :)
Patrick,
As long as you and your wife understand each other, you are fine. No religion can reign supreme on you two, cause your love is supreme and peaceful.
As for the conversion part, I think converting to a religion just because you have married to a person from that religion is just utter non sense, you did nothing wrong , nor she is, it is just religion, religion at some cases is very blind!
However, if you want her family to accept her and accept you, you should do what other non muslim man have done, is just to convert TECHNICally infront of her parents and that is, just on the face, but do not try to socialize with them as much since you wont be able to keep that face.
Technicality and face value can work. but if you do not feel comfortable with such solution, then just go on with your livese, and hope that your wife's pain will be washed away with time, as she has HER own family , you and her two daughters.
but other than that, screw everything it is the freedom of both you, you can be any faith you want to, you can be with whoever u want to.
Besides, be wary from the
responses in this site, you got many stuck up religious people, not alot of people understand the concept of Freedom, or appreciate your wife's decision.
Dear Patric:
first of all I would like to explain to you that Islam respects all other religions and by perhibiting muslim ladies from getting married to non muslims, it protects their family relationships especially their kids. did you ever think what religion your kids will follow, yours or their mom? and if one of you, how they will think of the other? don't think of it only from a religious point of view, think more about their mental, psycological, and social states. Beleive me it will affect them in all aspects.
2ndly, regarding your wife's family I don't think they are against you personally. all parents want their kids to be happy but did you ever put your self in their position what if one of your daughters did the same thing with you? after you did everthing for them, after you take care of them, they let their beliefs, concepts and did what their religion ;that you have learnt them; doesn't accept, isn't really disappointed?
3rdly, for those who telling you that she should convert to your religion I think it's really gonna make it more complicated for her family. I think that she sacrificed by her family to be with you and now it's your turn you have to work it out for her, for your kids and for their future. my advice to you is to read Quraan "the holy muslim book" and you will definietly know that islam is very logic and it is about forgiveness and I'm sure after that you'll convert to muslim not only for your family but also for you and definitely her family will forgive her and respect you as you did the right thing and protect their daughter and don't forget that which goes around comes arourd
i agree with roro,in islam a muslim woman cant marry a christain unless he becomes muslim,but maybe her parents r not sad coze of dis promblem only maybe der r other problems 2,i dont know it is ur chioce at da end and we r not da ones who tell wat 2 do.
FIRST I RESPECT ALL RELIGIONG BUT LET ME TELL U THAT ALL THE CHRISTIANS DONT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT MUSLIMS AND THEIR STORIES CUZ SIMPLY IT DOESNT SAY ANYTHING ABOUT ISLAM IN OUR BIBLE NO FANTS!!AND JESUS IS THE SON OF GOD NOT A PROPHIT I WILL JUST EXCEPT THAT U DIDNT SAY THAT..
SANDRA
please there is no one say bad things about christans, beside he is A PROBHET, NOT GOD. YOU DONT MAKE SENSE, AND YOU BTER BE QUIET. YOU TALK LIKE a SICK PERSON, WHEN YOU SAY HE IS SON OF GOD. REALLY IS HORRIBLE SENTENCE.
convert to islam and you will know.
you maniac monster.
amani
i would rather die that converting to islam and i really mean this ! oh and go and take some english courses , anyways we believe that jesus is the son of god thats if u have any idea about our religion it shows how a literate person u are
OK people people lets not get off the subject. this article was posted because patrick wanted to hear some advice from us.=. you people are being rediculous and bringing up muslim and christian feuds again. who gives a hell what you believe, thats personal. we are all arabs whether muslims or christian and we will always be viewed as arabs regardless of our religions. lets just focus on the topic here, patrick asked for opinion not religion 101. shame
to SANDRA
If JESUS was son of GOD .... can you explain for me how he was tortured & christened by HUMANS ????
JESUS peace upon on him is one of the preferable prophet of GOD as for MOSES & MOHAMMAD ... THEY SAVED HUMANITY WITH THE THREE MOST POPULAR RELIGIONS ON EARTH JEWDISM + CHRISTANITY + ISLAM
Faith and Sandra: do not go off topic. some people believe he is, some people do not. POINT. finally, it's the same god... so do not be racist in your comments. it's unbelievable how people can be sometimes. and Faith: do NOT discuss such thing: we have NO RIGHT to criticize others and their religious beleifs...
as for the topic, very interesting indeed. converting to muslim is VERY WRONG at this point. it cannot solve anything. it is even wierd that some people are talking about it here. She left her family, she loved u she knew the consequences and she had to make the compromise. this is life... and she chose her heart.
Discussion and the idea of showing the grand kids is a good option. and if not, well, it would really hurt. people have to look beyond this...
good luck man...
IF u rly love her become muslim try convincing her parents slowly slowly sho them u r a muslim and will do anything for there daghuter and they tell them to forgive allahs messenger mohamed p.b.u.h said to forgive take my advice
I do like Dina's comments, freedom and the courage to stick to the decisions we took in the name of that freedom . Time always seems to heal the pain. There are a lot of people who lost their families and do not even have the luxury of a spouse and kids. Also, for those who got into a discussion about whose religion is better, I think you should also learn to respect others' beliefs sweeties. I am sure you have heard the expression, you have your religion and I have mine. Kil min 3a dino allah yi3ino.
faith
u can get all these answers by reading the bible except i dont understand ure question
dear patrick
first i thank you for your understanding your
good man becouse of your way of thinking but first if you think this condition hurts your wife you have to get in Islam but slow down first you should read about it go to where muslims or go to your wife tell her to teach you simple things about Islam what is it? what it take's to be a muslim.. trust me then you will be a muslim becouse Islam is perfect. Then you should know something that if a muslim girl married to a man with diffrent religion its forbidden its will not called a marriege it will be adultry in Islam and in Muslims and to GOD. so one thing you should did for along time ago if you really love her and care about your childrens.. get to Islam, and let me know if you need any thing to know about muslims and maybe i will write a topic about Islam in the web and by the way if you dont mind i took your story and i wrote in my universty news peaper in saudi arabia.
good luck